Endlessly Evolving

Self-awareness, relaxation, self-reflection, humanity, self-realization, existence.

All these words spin circles in my head.

Do I have a healthy image of others and myself?

Am I choosing to live for every single day or just existing?

It is hard for me to look back at my past and see how much time was wasted resenting my own life.

Too many days slipped by filled with endless sorrow and self-pity.

So much time taken for granted.

We can take life for granted so easily.

We can take a single breath for granted.

We can take our moments within a day for granted.

We can take people’s words for granted.

I look back at times in my life when I had no earthly idea how beautiful the moments were that I was enduring because I was too caught up in myself.

Now I spend every day trying to make up for lost time.

I try to take every breath as a sign of elegant existence.

I try to look at my surroundings no matter what they might be and be thankful that I am even able to reach out my hand and tangibly feel the very things that may be causing me pain.

Sensing yourself and your feelings means you are living.

Getting your head and heart on the same level helps reconnect you with yourself.

Too many life-changing experiences are missed just by our own apathy.

My own apathy and discouragement was beginning to take my life away.

And now I want it back.

It has been an entire year since I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder as well as OCD, and every once and a while it still feels surreal to me.

Sometimes I struggle with coming to terms with it, and other times I am fully comfortable with accepting it.

But the longer I go on through life not accepting myself and instead accepting isolation, the farther I grow from humanity and the more I seep into my own secluded existence.

I want to reach out and identify with the rest of humankind.

I want to walk beside others and share moments of pain but replace them with hope.

I feel certain that my past is my past.

I will never have to go through this past year again.

It was by far the most emotional year of my life and I do not ever want to turn back.

I don’t want to be an innocent infant stuck in nothing but her own skin ever again.

I never want to be a confused and lost child again.

I do not want to be a hated middle-schooler again.

I never want to be a depressed and suicidal teen again.

I don’t want to be a resentful, angry, vacant freshman in college again.

I want to be in the here and now and go from there.

Both apathy and passion can kill us.

When passion is placed in the wrong places and people it can kill us.

When apathy surpasses all things because we have lost hope in all people and places, it can kill us.

The key to life is balance.

How are you balancing your life style right now?

Do you love yourself?

Are you taking care of yourself everyday?

Self-care and self-awareness can save us.

Self-awareness has changed my life.

It has made me feel like the most disgusting yet satisfied person I can be.

An unhealthy view of self can ruin you and your relationships.

Unhealthy views and standards for ourselves can isolate and kill.

One of my best friends is always reminding me that we MUST appreciate the small steps we take in life, because those advancements eventually help us obtain our ultimate goal.

We are all in transit. We are endlessly evolving. And we are forever progressing if we so choose to.

2 thoughts on “Endlessly Evolving

  1. I adore your writings !! I so wish, I could become a better writer again. I know I can, its just taking time to get out notepad and DO IT!! Thanks for the encouragement!! ❤


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