When anxiety lurks

Anxiety, it lurks.

It crawls and covers every inch of my skin.

It takes up every empty space inside of me until there is no room for anything else.

It tells me, “come close, this is truth.”

It lies.

It makes you constantly feel like the victim.

It makes you forget your strength.

It piles up and flushes depression through your veins.

 

Where does my help come from?

Where do I run when everything is so dark?

I can hear you in the distance calling out my name, telling me to run forward.

I run to you, but you feel so far away.

Everything feels like it’s closing in.

I can’t breathe.

 

I think of you.

I need you.

I need fresh breath.

I need fresh air.

I need eternal love and peace.

Where are you peace?

Nothing feels clear.

Where is hope?

What do I cling to when everything is crashing?

 

Without you I would be nowhere.

My heart would dwindle until there was nothing left.

You’re the grass beneath my feet.

You’re the blue sky.

You are every single breath.

I know you are there.

I reach out my hand, come find me.

I’m in desperate need of your love and affection.

God of love, reach out your hand and hold me.

Touch my skin, come close.

Whisper to me of your protection.

Remind me of my true purpose.

Acknowledge me.

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Inhale, exhale.

As I breathe in deeply, I exhale anxiety.

In my breath, I hold the power to move forward.

What is it about the air?

When it is at perfect temperature it satisfies my bones so much to the point that I can be so weak yet feel so strong?

Some may say when they look out into the distance, among the sky, the water, or the mountains…that it makes them feel minuscule.

But I feel empowered.

The purified pink sky with its orange undertones fill my lungs until there is no more space.

No worry.

No remorse.

I am exhaling fear.

Rejection runs through my veins and up into my throat until it suffocates me.

I could hate my body, myself, and my actions, but when I step foot into the tall grass, I feel freedom.

I am exhaling guilt.

The warm air feels like silk against my skin.

The fresh, intense smells of a new season, I inhale.

And with that life-giving breath, I exhale.

Releasing all the pain and sorrow that thinks it still has a hold of me.

No matter what the pain of the past, present, or future holds, when I exhale, I feel redemption.

I lay, feeling the depths of despair; with roars of death and hopelessness my heart swells.

I lay there, exhausted, but unable to rest.

Tormented, yet unable to escape.

But when I breathe deeply, I remember that with every roar there is a whisper.

For every drop of pessimism there is a drip of hope.

For every tear, there is warmth.

It sends satisfaction through my bones as I remember the sunrise that awakens me every morning.

I wake up flooded by emotions.

I am filled with depression, rage, rejection, and disconnection, but when I remember to breath, I have the power to dismiss them.

I have the power to dismiss my toxic feelings because I have oxygen in my lungs, a heart with a pulse, and an empowered mind.